Week Thirteen Story: Diary of a Gossip

April 2nd:

Dear Diary,

Today my friend, Anna, and I were talking about Sarah Madden's son, Jack, and his very ugly hump. Something really must be done about it, you know; it is so very uncomely, and the little brat has a horrid personality to boot. Still, if it weren't for that hideous hump protruding from his back like a mountain, he could perhaps be relatively handsome, and as you know, he stands to inherit quite a good-sized fortune. 

So, Anna and I were thinking, if we could just figure out a way to rid him of his hunchback, perhaps he would be a suitable match for Anna's daughter, Lily. Of course, his arrogance and snobbishness aren't likely to go away with the hump, but if he could at least look halfway decent, Lily (and, by proxy, Anna) would stand to gain a great deal through the union. 

Anyway, I heard a rumor from Philippa, who told me she heard it from Emmaline, who heard from a fishmonger in the market that there was a man -- what was his name? Lester? Lustore? Something like that, anyway -- who had a hump just like that Jack's, but he somehow got rid of it! Tomorrow, Anna and I are fixing to seek him out in Carragh to see if we can find out how he managed it!

April 3rd:

Dear Diary,

We found him! His name is Lusmore -- what an odd thing to be called! -- and the fairies took his hump away! He told me all: he found himself drowning in misery at his own ugliness next to a marsh at night, and he heard the fairies singing "Monday, Tuesday, Monday, Tuesday" over and over again, so he just piped right in with "Wednesday," and they were so grateful to him for adding to their song that they just magicked his hump right off! He's a right handsome fellow now, diary; you couldn't tell at all that he used to be such a monster. Hopefully it'll be just the same for Jack! 

Tonight, Anna and I are going to take Jack to that marsh and see if he can lose that hump, provided he'll promise that, if he becomes handsome, he'll marry Lily. I'm sure he'll agree, but we'll need to get it in writing. Lily isn't much to look at herself, and if he really does come out as handsome as that Lusmore fellow, he might just decide to go after some gorgeous noblewoman or other instead.

Wish us luck!

April 4th:

Dear Diary,

Oh dear. It's all gone wrong. We took that horrid little Jack Madden to the marsh after he signed the contract we wrote up, but he messed the whole thing up! We told him to add "Wednesday, Thursday" to the fairy song because if they rewarded Lusmore for adding only one day, surely Jack would be even better rewarded for adding two, right? Well, apparently not. The fairies, it seems, sucked Jack down into their marsh and went on and on about how he hadn't respected their music, and he added his voice at the wrong time, and Lusmore had been so kind and intelligent, but Jack was only rude and arrogant (not that I disagree, but still! ungrateful little things!). So they took the hump that they'd kept from Lusmore's back (why anyone would keep such a thing is beyond me!) and magicked it onto Jack, so now he has two humps. 

The weight of the humps together is such that he seems fixing to die. Sarah is, of course, livid, but we were just trying to help. Ah, well. I hear there's a rich cripple over in Carragh, so maybe he'll have low enough standards to wed poor Lily.

I shall let you know when I find out more, diary!

Drawing of a hunchback from Wikimedia Commons

*Author's Note:

This story is based on "The Legend of Knockgrafton," in which a kind-hearted, intelligent man named Lusmore adds to the song of the fairies, making them so happy that they remove his hunchback and make him incredibly handsome. When word spreads, a gossip comes to Lusmore asking how he got rid of his hump, because her friend's son, who is not a very nice person, wants to get rid of his as well. Lusmore openly shares with her how it happened, but when Jack Madden, the other hunchback, goes to the fairies, he doesn't show the  appreciation and respect for their music that Lusmore did, so they put Lusmore's hump on his back, and the weight soon kills him. I wanted to write this story from the gossip's perspective, and emphasize the way that, other than Lusmore, everyone in the story looks only at the outward appearance, and not at the heart. The fairies rewarded Lusmore because he was respectful and kind, even though everyone else made fun of him and spread rumors about him. Jack Madden, though he had the same physical deformity as Lusmore, did not have a kind heart, so he was not rewarded. 

Bibliography: More Celtic Fairy Tales by Joseph Jacobs, with illustrations by John D. Batten (1895). Web source.